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Take The Blame Game Challenge Here
The Main Idea
When we encounter resistance or failure in life, we may unwittingly be tempted to explain away our lack of progress on something outside our control. We call this blaming, and without visiting the issue consciously, we will fall into a pit of helplessness as we systematically give away all our power to effect meaningful change in our lives.
What We Will Cover
Let’s talk about how blame is damaging to our happiness and fulfillment at the very root level. Also, blame is about pointing a finger at something outside our control, when there is a solution within our control.
Stick with me until the end, when I will share with you a 4-step guide to uprooting the blame weeds from your life-garden, so you can flourish as you sail your ship into the horizon of your dreams.
How Blame Damns Us
Okay, damn might be a harsh word. Indeed it was considered a swear word back when Clark Gabel shocked the world by telling Scarlett O’Hara he didn’t give a damn.1 Here I mean how blaming others can STOP YOU IN YOUR PROGRESSION – in the sense a dam stops water from flowing.
Here’s how…
The first steps to you improving your life for the better are
- Recognizing you CAN improve and – you ability (that is you believe it is possible for life to improve)
- Recognizing YOU can improve. – your responsibility (that is that you accept that it is you who must do the improving)
However, left unchecked, we can unwittingly and naturally fall into the trap called BLAME. Blame is when we incorrectly submit to the false belief that…
- We CAN’T improve because – we are limited from the outside (a limiting belief)
- SOMEONE ELSE is stopping us. – another’s responsibility (outside our control)
When we put our focus on changing things outside us, we spin our wheels trying to change things outside our control. Frustration is created from the resulting friction.
This is the very essence of blaming: putting the responsibility for our growth on the shoulders of others who are not incentivized to help us grow. Then when they don’t help, we feel unloved and cry out, “Why is there no love in the world?” And we emotionally spiral downward into a pile of human on the floor.
Is it inside your control?
The trick here is to recognize when something is either in our control of not. The best approach to YOUR life or your vision of the future is to accept that EVERYTHING is within your control.
However, different ways in how you get there may not be within your control. But accepting that there is something you can control is by definition your first step to doing something to control your future.
Many personal development writers refer to this concept with many different terms. I’ve spoken before about the Serenity Prayer. That concept applies here, too. Start with accepting (and focusing on) the things you can change.
“May God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.”2
For our purposes here we’ll use the terms used by Steven Covey, Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey). If it coincides or seems to overlap with something we are interested in that thing is in our Circle of Concern. Those things what we actually have some control over are in the Circle of Influence.
In your circle of influence:
(focus your attention here)
- How you react to a neglectful friend
- What you eat for breakfast
- Whether you remember your daughter’s birthday
- Staying on task as you work throughout the day
Outside your circle of influence:
(pay not attention here)
- The weather
- Who sits in the public office
- The current state of the economy
- What someone else does
Either way, you can’t blame the results of your life on outside influences AND retain power to improve your life. You will find that you have enough things inside your circle of influence than outside.
Refusing to blame means keeping your focus on changing yourself and your circle of influence to explain why things are not working and to explain how things are going to improve. And here’s a clue, you are the biggest part of the solution.
The lesson here: your life is in your control.
The Blame Game
Her’s the rub. How do we combat this natural tendency to give away our power?
We’ll play a game. It’s called, “identify and root-out the blaming in our lives.” And there are 4 steps:
STEP 1. Identify areas where you are blaming and complaining. Where are you giving away your power?
STEP 2. Ask, how is blaming and complaining about the problem taking away your power?
STEP 3. Discover what responsibility can you take for the situation? What can you do to take the power back and give new life to your dreams?
STEP 4. What action can you take immediately to change the way you see this problem in a way that this will never hold you back again?
Step 1) Identify
Is there someone or something that is holding you back? Something in your life that is bothering your or that you would like to change?
THE PROBLEM:
Are you complaining? Do any of these sound familiar:
• If only my spouse would be more supportive?
• If only people would respond to my messages…
• I can’t do something because I don’t have time or effort.
• I’m not successful because of my parents, kids, upbringing…
These thoughts and beliefs are holding you back. Yes. That’s blaming. Sometimes the very act of recognizing that we are blaming is a very difficult to do.
ACTION STEP: Take a minute. What story are you telling yourself about the lack of success or presence of problems in your life?
Step 2) Ask
Ask, how is blaming and complaining about the problem taking away your power?
When you blame, you give up control. You pass control in your life to someone else or some other thing. You need to get that control back, so you can steer your life in the direction YOU want.
ACTION STEP: Pause and think about how when you blame about this issue, you no longer have the power to fix it. But when you take responsibility, however painful that might be, will give you power and get you looking for solutions.
Step 3) Discover
Discover what responsibility can you take for the situation? What can you do to take the power back and give new life to your dreams?
If you look into it further and really sit down and think of it, the real person holding you back is probably YOU!
THE SOLUTION:
Accept responsibility. Take control of your life. And set yourself free from the limitations of blame.
Let’s get the blame weeds out.
ACTION STEP: Brainstorm all the choices and influences you have in this area of your life no matter how seemingly insignificant or small. Get the idea-factory flowing. What can YOU do about the situation. Write it all out.
Step 4) Take Action
What action can you take immediately to change the way you see this problem in a way that this will never hold you back again?
As you take action within your circle of influence, your ability to act will increase. This is true in part because your building a habit to act responsibly and in part because your circle of influence is getting bigger.
Now it’s time to act, because words alone will never redeem you. You must become, and that means actually moving your muscles.
ACTION STEP: Consider the items in your brainstorm from step 3. Choose one thing and take an action on it NOW! No matter how small or insignificant it may be.
It may be as small as sending an email or text, or simply searching on the internet. It may even be seemingly insignificant as visualizing having that crucial conversation you need to have. It may be writing out a plan on a piece of paper and sharing it with someone. Get the idea out of your head and into the physical world and commit something from your life to the realization of that dream.
Conclusion / Recap
In conclusion:
- Blame is bad
- Responsibility is good
You have enough power within your circle of influence to direct your life for the better. It is a waste of your efforts and energy to direct at things you cannot have substantial control over.
DIRECTED ACTION: Stop to think about what you are complaining about. Think about what YOU can do about it. DO IT!
Application In Your Life
Simple: play the blame elimination game:
STEP 1. Identify areas where you are blaming and complaining. Where are you giving away your power?
STEP 2. Ask, how is blaming and complaining about the problem taking away your power?
STEP 3. Discover what responsibility can you take for the situation? What can you do to take the power back and give new life to your dreams?
STEP 4. What action can you take immediately to change the way you see this problem in a way that this will never hold you back again?
The Oil Advantage
Essential oils can help unlock your mind, get your moving, and bring courage and conviction in times of doubt and hesitation. They can help give you the extra boost to get you where you want to go. Here are some blends to try.
About The ACTION Blend
The purpose of this blend is to inspire action. It is intended to help people find the courage to get over mental boundaries and act on their dreams. Acting is the crucial, and often missing, element in driving forward to your dreams.
Learn How To Make The ACTION Blend Here
Footnotes and References
- “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn” is a line from the 1939 film Gone with the Wind starring Clark Gable and Vivien Leigh. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Frankly,_my_dear,_I_don%27t_give_a_damn
- The Serenity Prayer is the common name for a prayer authored by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971). The best-known form is: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.”(https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer)
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