Recently, I came across someone who needed comfort. I realized that this person couldn’t get comfort from someone close to him because his friend didn’t really have the skills to comfort another.
This is a really important skill, and is simple to learn.
How To Comfort Someone:
- Listen actively
- Ask questions to sincerely learn more
- Repeat it back to make sure you understand
- Sincerely seek to understand and let them know you get it
- Don’t minimize the pain, just understand and empathize
- Do not teach, lecture, or try to solve the problem
- Focus on them
- Do not talk about yourself
- Merely help them get their feelings out
- Silence is therapeutic, allow it
- As appropriate, physically comfort them (hug them, hold their hand, place a hand on their shoulder or knee…)
- Offer loving words of encouragement
- Once they have been heard …
- Express sympathy, encouragement, and love
- Build them up
- If they are sad, help them remember good thoughts, memories, reasons to be happy
- If you have advice, first ask if they would like to hear it before sharing it
- Affirm support and commitment
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