We all have them. Occasional sadness. Maybe even recurring sadness. Feelings of shame. Even physical manifestations of stress, doubt, or fear. All negative. So, what do we do? How should we respond?
It may be counter intuitive, but momentarily embracing negative emotions may lead to more happiness in the long run.
The Wrong Thing To Do
Don’t reject them. It’s so tempting to just shut the emotions down. To bury them down deep or totally ignore them. This is the worst thing you can do. Ignoring, burying, and covering up naturally occurring emotions will only lead to more problems, and likely recurrence of the emotion. Resisting your emotions will only draw focus to them and make them larger in our lives.
Don’t spend a lot of time with them. At the other end of the spectrum are those of us who welcome every negative feeling of hurt, pain, sorrow, or anger like an old friend come to our house for a visit. We wallow in grief. We saturate ourselves in self-pity. We look for every crisis possible, and start to interpret everything anyone says as evidence we are not loved. It hurts and somehow we need the hurt, so we pile on more and welcome it all. Heaping it on and spending so much time with each favorite negative emotion may seem like it is helping in some weird way, but it is really damaging your life. It is the wrong way to approach the negative emotions.
Don’t live in negative emotional space. You need to feel these emotions from time to time, but there is never a need to stay there.
What We Should Do With Negative Emotions
Negative emotions have their place in our world. There are there for a reason, we need to accept and appreciate the role they play in our lives, but we must not wallow in them and let them overrun our lives.
Negative emotions are like 3min friends. The rule of thumb is that you want to spend as little time with negative emotions as possible. But you must acknowledge them, explore them, address them, and move on. And you must do so as efficiently as you can.
Negative emotions are like dear family members. They are and will always be a part of our lives. You must accept them for who they are, not try to change them, but appreciate what goodness they bring into your life. Give them some air time, but stay in charge.
Negative emotions are very important messengers. More often than not, they are trying to tell you something. Trying to get you to stop and listen or address something that is unbalanced in life. Acknowledge the feeling of boredom, anger, or depression. Ask, “What is this trying to teach me?”
“Don’t fight or resist negative emotions, because your resistance will hold them to you. Negative emotions are simply a movement of energy, and if you allow them to be without resisting them—without giving them the time of day—they will pass by quickly.” …
“What you resist, you attract, because you are powerfully focused on it with emotion. To change anything, go within and emit a new signal with your thoughts and feelings.”
– The Secret by Rhonda Byrne
Here are some practical steps to respond when you are experiencing negative emotions…
- Recognize that you are feeling negative emotions and that you can do something about it.
- Acknowledge that the emotion is there and is welcome to carry out its role.
- Feel the emotion. You don’t have to spend a lot of time with it. Just be present with it for a moment and experience it.
- Receive its message. As yourself, “Why am I feeling this emotion? What is it trying to tell me?” Let the answer come. If it doesn’t come right away, just let the question stick in your subconscious.
- Thank the emotion for visiting. Without sorrow, happiness has no depth or meaning. We need pain to know pleasure. There is much to be grateful for. Feel the gratitude.
- Release the emotion by turning your thoughts, feelings, and actions to positive and supportive things.
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