Feeling like something might be holding you back? There are many things that might hold someone back. Could it be some of your unaddressed limiting fears?
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Could it be possible that you have fears (big or benign) holding you back? There are many subconscious things that might be holding you back in life. Fears are just one of those things that can subconsciously be standing in the way of your success. In my book Live a Happier, Fuller Life, I outline 5 forces you need to be aware of. Here they are.
- NEEDS – Fundamental human needs unfilled or fulfilled in an unsupportive way
- FEARS – You fear some possible result of repercussion
- BELIEFS – Believing something inaccurate about the world around you
- HABITS – You know what to do, but you just respond or act wrong
- DESIRE – You don’t want it enough or are currently unwilling to pay the price
Of all these subconscious forces, needs and fears are the strongest and most influential in someone’s life. So, what are fears? A fear is nothing more or less than your mind and body reacting to the idea of a possible future threat or pain. But these possible future pains can limit your success in life if left unchecked.
So, why do we have fears? Fear is an emotion, a contrived state of mind designed to keep you safe. One of the main goals of the subconscious mind is to keep you alive. Fears keep you from taking unnecessary risks or from doing things that may lead to your harm. While fears may keep you safe from some dangers, fears might also keep you from succeeding in different parts of life.
And that is where fears can limit you. When your fears stop you from doing the activity you need to do to move forward with your goals, those fears become limiting rather than protecting. And there is a possibility that they might be doing both protecting and limiting you.
Fears are different from false and limiting beliefs. Fears are focused on avoiding threats in the future. Limiting beliefs are untrue statements that are holding you back. A third category of limitations are needs. Many fears are simply based on unmet or undermet fundamental human needs. However need limitations differ from fears in that fears are unrealized concerns about the future status of those needs and limiting unmet needs are focused on the present status of those needs.
So, let’s focus down on some examples, the most common examples of limiting fears. Below is my collection of all the limiting fears I’ve noticed and catalogued over the years.
COMMON LIMITING FEARS
Many of these fear scripts happen on a subconscious level, and you may not even be aware of them on the surface. Of course, this list is non-exhaustive and in no particular order. I number it only to help you keep track while reading. These are 19 commonly mentioned subconscious limiting fears in self-help literature.
- Sick, Broke, and Starving Doomsday – If I try and don’t succeed, I’ll lose everything and my family will be penniless, lose the house, and starve to death in the gutter somewhere. So I shouldn’t try.
- Physically Harmed – If I am successful, I may be physically hurt or undergo some physical pain in the process. I might even actually get beat up by others or hurt someone else in the process.
- Overworked, Overwhelmed, or Exhausted – If I am successful, I will be living such a busy life and be constantly worried, overworked, and exhausted. Life will become so much harder and complicated if I succeed. It won’t be fun.
- Everything Will Change – Nothing will be reliable if I’m successful and I’ll need to deal with an ever-changing world. I won’t have anything I can rely on. Everything is going to change, and I don’t know if I can deal with it because I don’t know what it will be like.
- Bored to Death – If I’m successful, then I’ll end up doing the same thing over and over being stuck in the same life, and I will be bored to death. I need adventure. Perfect people are boring. If I’m successful, I’ll hate my life.
- Fundamentally Flawed – I fear something is fundamentally wrong with me. If I try for success and fail, I may unintentionally prove that I somehow don’t measure up, or I’m fundamentally flawed, broken, unworthy, or a fraud. And then people will no longer love me or accept or be receptive of me. Too big of a risk. I shouldn’t even try. Or worse, I should sabotage my efforts.
- Different or Don’t Belong – I’m afraid I am different, I don’t belong, there is something that excludes me. I’m too old, too young, not smart enough, come from the wrong family, country, background, area, or am not in the right socioeconomic group. I’m not part of the group or team. Or I’m not talented enough or gifted enough. I don’t have enough money, space, or time. I fear I will fail because of who I am.
- Wanting, Never Enough, Unwinnable – If I try and don’t succeed, or even if I succeed, I’ll just want more, it’ll never be enough, an infinite battle and never a satisfying finish line. Why even try if I can’t ever win? It’s futile.
- Confrontation – I’m afraid of confronting people. The only way I can be successful is if I take from others, so my success means some kind of pain for others. If I attempt to achieve, I will get mad at someone or someone will get mad at me. It will be a painful experience for someone.
- Rejection, Humiliation, Locked Out – The opposite of belonging. If I succeed (or don’t) I will be somehow rejected either by the people I left behind if I do succeed or by the people who deny me if I try to succeed and fail. They will shut me out of their group and that will be emotionally painful.
- Unloved, Neglected, and Abandoned – I fear that I am not actually worthy of anyone’s love. If I reach out and try to be my best, I will fail, and people will have a reason to not love me anymore. Better not rock the boat.
- Betrayal and Disloyalty – If I become successful or popular or wealthy, people will take advantage of me and seek to betray me. Best to remain an unsuccessful target that no one will be tempted to betray. Avoid the pain.
- Disloyalty and Abandonment – If I am successful, it would cause me to end up all alone, be disloyal to my roots, and leave behind people from my past. I will unintentionally abandon my loved ones or those I belonged to. They will be angry at me, and I will be sad and alone in the world. #pain (I’ve got to thank Gay Hendricks for this point and some other of these points. He has a chapter on four hidden barriers to success in his book, The Big Leap. You can get his book using this affiliate link http://amzn.to/2gllXvC. His four hidden barriers are (1) Fundamentally Flawed, (2) Disloyalty and Abandonment, (3) Bigger Burden, and (4) Crime of Outshining. I felt that these observations were unique in the personal development world yet truthful and helpful.)
- Crime of Outshining – Being successful will bring pain to others as I outshine them and make them look or feel bad. If I succeed, they will hurt.
- Stuck and Stagnant – I am worried that if I do have success, I will be a one-hit wonder, and won’t be able to repeat the success. That would be embarrassing and prove I’m not worthy. Not only that, it would be emotionally painful to be stuck in limbo like that. People might pigeonhole me and think I’m only good for one thing. Staying where I am means less pain.
- Mediocre – I fear that I will always be mediocre and never achieve anything significant in life. I will be left behind and discarded. I will be unimportant, and not worth noticing, supporting, or sustaining. Bob, the forgettable blob.
- Success Brings Burdens – If I am successful, I’d become an even bigger burden to others than I am now. My success will cause pain for others. If I seek to be a part of a progressive group of friends, I’ll only contribute problems to the group.
- Jealousy – I’m afraid that people will be jealous of me or hate me if I am successful.
- Other Common Fears Worth Noting: Regret, Disappointment, Shame, Insignificance, Unworthiness, Worthlessness, and I’m sure there are many more. The chart above mentions a few more not highlighted here.
So, what do you do with fears? How do you overcome them. I’m glad you asked. I cover the topic extensively in my book Live a Happier, Fuller Life. I’ll do a post on it in the future, but briefly, the chapter on managing fears outlines three steps:
- Identifying the fear
- Assessing the fear
- Addressing the fear
As noted before, some fears are necessary and good, some can actually be motivating forces, but for those fears that limit you or hold you back, I’ve identified 10 tools to help you overcome the fears. For now, you’ll have to get your hands on the book to find out what those 10 methods are. But here is the short list.
TEN TOOLS TO TAKE ON FEAR AND OVERCOME IT
- Expose fear to truth
- Frame the fear fairly
- Limit the fear’s scope
- Prepare and reduce fear
- Encouragement-seek in the face of fear
- Break the fear down
- Purpose overrides fear
- Feel the fear and face it
- Charge the fear
- Familiarize the feared
- Fears are one type of subconscious force that can limit your progress
- Fears are designed to protect us, but they can limit us by keeping us from taking supportive actions
Here are some common limiting fears
- Sick, Broke, Starving Doomsday
- Physical Harm
- Overworked, overwhelmed, or exhausted
- Everything will change
- Bored to death
- Fundamentally flawed
- Different or don’t belong
- Wanting, never enough, unwinnable
- Confrontation
- Rejection, humiliation, locked out
- Unloved, neglected, and abandoned
- Betrayal and disloyalty
- Disloyalty and abandonment
- Crime of outshining
- Stuck and stagnant
- Mediocre
- Success brings burdens
- Jealousy
- Other common fears worth noting
Books Mentioned in this Post
The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks PhD
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