There are many roads that claim to help you find success and happiness. But the truth is that only one path will truly get you there. Many books and teachers in the personal development and self-help area present so many solutions. Every page seems to be advising you to do something. It’s hard to know what advice to take.
So, can I give you some advice about getting advice in improving your life. Not all advice is the same. Here is the basic question you need to ask about the advice you’ve been given:
Does this fundamentally change who I am?
I like the conclusion that success author, Stephen Covey, made after surveying all the success literature on the market in his day. He said, in his book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People1, there are two kinds of approaches to personal development: the personality ethic and the character ethic. Let me explain in my own words how I understand this concept.
What I’m going to call the character growth approach is based on the concept of improving your situation in life through applying the unchangeable principles of the universe. The idea: you improve who you really are and you will naturally achieve the deep and satisfying happiness and success you are looking for in life. Applying these principles take deep introspection and sometimes painstaking changes, but the changes can be permanent and rewarding.
Now, what I’m going to call the personality techniques are mostly changes that happen on the outside, the way you talk to others, or the way you appear. It rarely requires you to change who you are as a person. These are ideas like pretending to be nice around people. Although many of the techniques stem from sound principles, they are empty quick-fixes that often fail to get you what you really want in life or leave you frustrated and always looking for the next idea.
If you haven’t already figured it out, you want to follow the advice that will make you a better person, the character growth advice. Improving who you are as a person leads to a more permanent grasp on happiness and success. And the best thing is that the happiness and success will come naturally. That doesn’t mean that all your problems will disappear, but it does mean that you will be more capable of overcoming small problems and even tackling those bigger problems that bring bigger rewards in terms of happiness and fulfillment.
Footnotes and References
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen R. Covey; my affiliate link for this book: http://amzn.to/2yqF1Pk
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